Take Time to Make Time

I was at a seminar for Faith Formation professionals last week, and the speaker quoted a study that said the average parent spends an average of 1.5-3 minutes in "non-directional" (meaning, "Did you do your homework" or "Brush your teeth" doesn't count) communication with their children each day.  We all gasped, and I immediately started adding up my stats in my head.  How much time do I spend just having conversations with my kids?  I did a little more research, and I found another study that put American parents at an average of 2 minutes per day.  A Canadian study gives us 10 minutes - that seems better - until I read on to find they were talking 10 minutes per week.  Ouch.

Now, compare that to how much time our children spend in front of a screen, watching TV or playing video games.  On average, a few hours.  Every day.  Double ouch!

Some of us may be doing a little better with this, but I think all of us have room for improvement.  So, I'm asking parents who read this to comment on this post, sharing your tips for making time, facilitating meaningful conversations, or being a better listener for your children.  Maybe together we can improve our average!

Cute Fall Printable

I got this in my email inbox today - I thought some of our GIFT families might enjoy doing this activity at home! 

http://freebiefriday.guildcraftinc.com/index.php/freebie-friday-johnny-appleseed-fingerprint-printable/#

Start the School Year with RESPECT

School starts for my children next week, which means that GIFT will be starting soon, too.  To prepare for the year, I have been cleaning out drawers and closets.  I'm sort of a "tosser" - I adhere to the "If I haven't used it in a year..." rule pretty well.  But doing a program on a 4-year rotation means keeping things around for those 4 years, in case I want to bring them back.  Some things I pull out and can use as-is, others I feel the need to tweak or change out completely.  Occasionally, I come across something that makes me think, "Wow.  That's pretty good; I should share this."  That's what happened with the R-E-S-P-E-C-T handout I found yesterday.  I used this as part of a PCYI safety program in 2009/2010.  I will most likely bring it back to GIFT next year.  But I felt like it was so timely, I was compelled to share it right away.

Click here to download the PDF of the handout

I think this is a great message as kids go off to school, play fall sports, and spend more time away from the eyes of their parents.  It goes like this...

R: I am Reliable - I can be counted on to do what I say and be where I say I will be.
E: I am Encouraging - I don't put down myself or others
S: I am Strong - When I say NO, I mean it.  I can say no even if my friends don't like it.
P: I have a Purpose - God created me to be good in the world.  God created everyone else with a  
     purpose, too.  I will remember that!
E: I make an Effort - I am not perfect, but every day I do my best at being who God wants me to be.
C: I am a Child - The grown-ups in my life are there to guide and protect me; I will listen to them.
T: I am Truthful - I tell the truth, even if I am afraid I might get in trouble.

Parents, I encourage you to print the PDF, and sit down to talk with your children about what these words mean, and how living them can help them be safer, as well as helping them to achieve.  Try to think of real-life examples of when these virtues come into play.  For example, my son had some problems with getting in trouble on the bus last year, because he didn't know how to say "NO" to a friend.  When we talk, I can remind him of the importance of standing strong when a friend is trying to talk you into bad behaviors.

Teachers and Program Coordinators - print it, copy it, do what you like with it.  I hope you find it useful!

Super Fun Gem Activity

Here's an activity to teach about finding the "good stuff" that's inside us all, or any other similar theme that you can use as an excuse to do it.  We did this at our GIFT Lent session, and the kids really "dug" it!

First, I bought cheap but sparkly "gem" beads at JoAnn ETC.  I also purchased Crayola air dry clay in both terracotta and white.  The basic idea to prepare this activity is to "bury" one or two gems in a "rock" made from the clay.  I found that mixing the two colors of clay made it look more like rocks, because the color was less uniform/more natural.  Then, I experimented with how long to let them dry.  2 days out in the open air was too long; the clay got too hard to dig into.  One day was not enough; it was still too clay-like and too quick and easy to get the gems out.  I found that the best was to let them dry about 1 1/2 days in the open air, and then I could store them in an airtight container for up to 3 days more without the clay getting too hard.  Each child got 1 clay "rock" with 2 gems inside, a pie tin to catch the mess, and a spoon (got them at the dollar store).  They loved this activity!

We turned our gems into a craft, stringing the beads on black cord through a pencil-top eraser to make a pencil topper.  You could do anything with them.  Some kids chose to just take them home to put in their "treasure box."  It was a lot of work to prepare, but I would definitely do this activity again!

Forms of Prayer Game

Here is a fun game we played in February to learn about different types of prayers:

Each table got a foam die from Oriental Trading Company.  These are a great size, very colorful, and very quiet.  I had written on the white board:

1 = Thank you, God, for...
2 = Please forgive me when I...
3 = God, please bless...
4 = God, one thing that makes you so great is...
5 = God, please help me to be more...
6 = God, please help me to be less...

The game is simple: You pass the die around the table, and each person takes a turn (or two) rolling the die.  Whatever number comes up, that's how you start a one-sentence prayer.  This was a great way for kids (and parents, too) to practice some types of prayers and (hopefully) encourage everyone to add some variety to their personal prayer time.

Having A Ball While Learning the Trinity

In January, we played an oldie-but-goodie game (with a twist) to help us learn about the Trinity:

First, I established with the children that they all probably knew the 3 people of the Trinity, because they all know the sign of the cross.  We did the sign of the cross together to be sure.  Then, parents and children split into groups of 6-9 people and stood in a circle with their group.  One adult from each group was chosen to be the "Messenger from God" and came forward to get the message.  The message was a fairly long Bible passage written on a beach ball:

The Kingdom of God will not come in such a way as to be seen.

No one will say, Look!  Here it is!

The kingdom of God is within you.

The messengers took the balls back to their groups but were not allowed to show anyone the message.  Instead, they whispered it to the person next to them, who did their best to pass it on to the person next to them, and so on and so forth - the old "telephone" game.  Of course, by the time the message got around the circle, it had lost all meaning.

Next, the messengers tried a different way to spread the message.  They passed the ball to a child in their group, who read the passage with their parent.  The ball was passed from child to child until everyone had the chance to read it for themselves.  In this way, everyone got the right message.

So what does that have to do with learning about the Trinity?

Well, we talked about God our Creator (sort of a review from our first session this year), also known as God the Father.  We talked about how in the Old Testament, God sent messengers - or prophets - to spread God's word to the people.  But sometimes the messages didn't get through correctly, like in the telephone game.  Then, God sent Jesus.  This was like when we tossed the ball around - the message, or the Word, came right to the people.  "The Word became flesh," and the message was clear.

Lastly, I asked the kids if the ball would travel on its own, and as an example I held one up and let it drop.  Nope!  When we toss the ball, there are forces at work that we can't see carrying that ball to the other person.  This is like the Holy Spirit - by whose power Mary conceived Jesus, and who Jesus promised would be with us as an advocate between heaven and earth.  All 3 work together to keep the Word of God alive in our world!

Craft: Holy Water Fonts

After the game, we talked a little bit about how the Holy Spirit was with us at baptism, and through our baptism, we all have the power to bless in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  The kids made holy water fonts to take home, and we had water that had been blessed by our parish priest for them to take as well.  Our fonts were pretty fancy this year, as we had a GIFT parent who brought me cool little 4" square blank plaques that her company was going to toss out.  To these we added small works of art - the kids drew a picture that they felt symbolized God - and a little cup to hold the water.  Our cups were actually baby bottle tops leftover from a Respect Life fundraiser.  However, I have made fonts with kids in the past using simpler materials.  Plastic dessert plates and condiment cups work fine.

Prayer: Build-A-Blessing

We ended our session with parents and kids writing blessings for each other.  I handed out a simple worksheet to help them build their prayer.  It went something like this:

God Bless ________________

Clothe him/her in _____________,

and crown him/her with ________________.

May he/she never be afraid to __________________________________.

And may Your Spirit give him/her the gifts needed to follow in the footsteps of Jesus.  Amen.

At the bottom of the page were fill-in-the-blank options, such as love, kindness, and wisdom for first 2 lines, and things like "speak your truth" and "share your love" for the last blank.  Feel free to email me at desire.sobiech@risensavior.org to request a copy of the Build-A-Blessing worksheet.

November G.I.F.T. - Walking with Jesus

This month's GIFT topic, "The Life of Jesus," presented a challenge.  It's a pretty big topic, and I knew I couldn't spend a lot of time babbling away at the front of the room.  So we tried something new.  Families moved from table to table, "walking through" different parts of Jesus' life.  One brave parent at each table took on the job of "Table Leader" - reading the instructions and leading discussions at each rotation.  Our 4 learning stations were:
1. The birth and childhood of Jesus
2. The Baptism of Jesus and his Temptation in the desert
3. The Calling of the first disciples and the Beatitudes
4. The Miracles of Jesus, including his Resurrection

For those who missed the session or for my Faith Formation colleagues, there are pdf links at the bottom of this page to the various handouts as well as the Table Leader instruction packets.  For those who were there...

Now your child knows everything about the life of Jesus, right?

Of course not.  Remember, I have my own child in GIFT.  He not only attends his own session, but he's usually around at all four each month.  And trust me, he does not know everything about the life of Jesus - not even everything we "learned" at GIFT this month.  However, he learns a little bit more every year, and with some prompting, he can recall not only things we've done at GIFT, but a little of why we did them and what we learned.  This is the beauty of family-based formation - you are there, so you can reinforce what was taught just by chatting with your child.  Here are some specific ideas for how you can help children of various ages get to know Jesus a little better...

First Grade: Children in first grade are learning how to do more things on their own and be responsible for their relationships, so it's great to remind them to think about treating others the way Jesus would.  They also like to tell stories about other children who act up or "get in trouble" at school.  It's OK to say something like, "that doesn't sound like very nice behavior."  But I also like to go a little further and ask, "Why do you think that child acted that way?" or "How do you think that made the other child feel?"  This helps children develop a sense of empathy - thinking about someone else's feelings rather than just their own.  First graders are also developing their reading skills, and I'm sure your child's teacher has asked you to read at home every day.  We have some great books about Jesus, the Bible, Saints, and values in our library here at the church.

Second Grade: If your child is preparing for Sacraments this year, the best thing you can do is to bring faith into your everyday occurrences.  Right now, as we prepare for Reconciliation, focus on forgiveness and following rules.  Point out how behaviors - both positive and negative - affect relationships.  Your child is probably able to read their GIFT lessons more independently now, but don't be tempted to completely disengage.  Remember that you can't reinforce a lesson if you don't know the content of it.  When you read Bible stories and parables with your child, try to think of situations you've experienced that are similar.  For example, when reading about the Good Samaritan or loving your enemies, you could ask your child what he/she would do if their best friend were hurt.  Then, ask what they would do if someone they've expressed dislike for (a neighborhood bully, for example) were hurt.  If it's not the same answer, you have a teachable moment!

Third Grade: My third grader likes to talk, which has led to some great conversations about faith and values.  He also likes to get things right, so if I quiz him about something we talked about at GIFT or read in his textbook, he usually views it as a fun game and plays along.  But he can be moodier now than he used to be, so I choose my moments and back off if it's not the right time.  One thing I have found is that when we're doing his book lessons, he just wants to do what's there on the page and take the quiz - he doesn't like me to get too "teacher-ish" with him.  But later, I can refer to something we read and open up a conversation, and he's much more open to it.  This works especially well in the car, probably because he doesn't have much of anything else to do!  My daughter, on the other hand, became very stressed out about school and friendships when she was in third grade.  I have read that this is not unusual.  if your child is experiencing a lot of stress, try focusing on prayer as a way to find comfort and work through their feelings.  Don't add to their stress by expecting them to do a lot of memorizing - they have a lifetime of faith formation ahead of them!

Fourth Grade: If your expectations of your fourth grader stem from your own memories of that age, you could be in trouble!  It's sometimes shocking to parents how much their fourth grader starts acting more like a teen.  They may become much more concerned about what they're wearing and how they look.  If you say no to wearing makeup to school or jeans that expose large portions of boxer shorts, you may be declared the meanest or strictest or lamest parent ever.  You're not.  Now is the time to know what your expectations for behavior are and to make those expectations clear.  You do not need to give your child a reason for every rule - my kids have definitely heard, "because I'm the mom" or "because I said so" plenty of times.  But you should have a reason, even if you don't choose to share it.  In other words, know your own values, so that you can better share them with your child.  Remember the old phrase, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."  This might also be a good time to help your child find things to stand for.  Get involved in service and social justice.  Pre-teens are naturally focused on themselves - how do I fit in, how do others see me...me, me me.  Taking time to help others provides a little balance.

ALL Grades: 3 words - Go.  To.  Church.  Regularly getting your familys' buns in the pews for Mass may be challenging, but it clearly sends the message to your children that you are, in fact, Catholic Christians and that faith is a part of your regular routine.

For more about grade-by-grade development, check out http://www.pbs.org/parents/goingtoschool/

Documents from November GIFT:

Learning Station One
Learning Station 2
Learning Station 3
Learning Station 4
Beatitudes for Children
When Jesus Was Your Age